Just to get you all caught up..

So, everyone that is still standing by, thank you :)

I try not to put alot of turely personal details on here, I have a wide range of people that come here to see what's up.

So, instead of spelling out exactly what has been happening for the last 3 months, I'm going to be vague and just give it to ya in lyrics. Some are from inside me, some I feel would be directed at me from others... I hope you enjoy, and get the jist.

"I wanted more Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore Of saving face
Today is the greatest Day I've never known
Can't wait for tomorrow I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out Before I get out
Pink ribbon scars That never forget
I tried so hard To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings
Today is Today is Today is The greatest day".. Smashing Pumpkins

"You better crawl on your knees the next time you say that you love me
fall on your knees, 'cause this time I won't be so kind
can't you see that this is life and life is killing me
is it yours? is it mine?
you better see how evil you can be when you see my evil smile
it's the one that you'll remember when I am not so kind
can't you see that this is death and death is saving me
I say burn all your bridges while you still have control of the flame
I know it's hard but you... tell me, over and over and over and over and over again
it never was time for us, it never was time to let me in show me,
over and over and over and over and over again
it never was time for us, it never was time to let me in
you've hardened to the point
you're hard and to the point
it never was time for us"... Evans Blue

"I've done the best I can to make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry I'm just saying sometimes goodbye is a second chance".. Shinedown

"You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair, you know to just keep me haning round
You say you don't want to hurt me
don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here just watching me drown?
And its alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine.
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go".. Wreckers

"Don't cry to me, If you loved me You would be here with me
You want me, come find me, Make up your mind
Don't lie to me Just get you're things, I've made up your mind"... Evenescence

"touch me now and I don't care
When you take me I'm not there
Almost human but I'll never be the same
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
I don't want to live in here alone
Is there anything to feel?
Is it pain that makes you real?
Cut me off before it kills me." Goo Goo Dolls

"I'm so fed up with everyone around me
No one seems to care
I'm just so far gone and nothing's gonna change
I'll never be the same
It's always do this, do that, everything they want to
I don't wanna live that way
Every chance they get they're always pushing me away
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be
It's all so messed up and no one ever listens
Everyone's deranged
I'm just so fucked up and I'm never gonna change
I wanna lay it all to waste
Every chance they get they're always shoving me aside
I'M DONE!
I'd rather hate you for everything you are Than ever love you for something you are not
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am Than have you love me for something that I can't".. Five Finger Death Punch

"I don't know why All i need is someone to save me
I believe I don't know why All i need is someone to save me
I believe,
What about those times You left me alone in the bed
Well I didn't mean it
All of those nights You swore that you'd call when you didn't
Well I didn't mean it
All of those times You tore me down and said
Well I didn't mean it
Well what about the times You told you wish you were dead I did mean it".. Royal Bliss

"Once more I'll say goodbye to you
Things happen and we don't really know why
If its not supposed to be like this why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?
Torn apart at the seams of my dreams turn to tears
Once more you tell those lies to me
Why can't you just be straight up with honesty?
Wear your heart on your sleeve, make things hard to believe
I'm not feeling this situation.
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It the best place to be when you're feeling like me." Bullet for my Valentine

"With friends like you, who needs enemys? you ain't right, you ain't never going to be
You're soul is toxic, you ain't no friend of mine.
You talk real trash when i'm not around,
smile through your teeth, you have alot of nerve
your time's run out, i've got nothing left for you.
I'm leaving you Far Behind I'm leaving you Far behind"... Social Distortion

"You're cryin' now Just like I used to cry before
Turn off the tears, I don't care anymore
You can save all your lies 'Cause I've heard them all before
Tell it to the rain And the stars that shine above
That it's me you're thinking of And I'm your love
I gave you love, And got nothing in return
how does it feel to feel what I had to learn
Baby, don't say you're sorry 'Cause I'm just not concerned".. The Four Seasons

"I believe I can see the future 'Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose Then again That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice Now I never make a sound I just do what I've been told
I really don't want Them to come around, oh no
Every day is exactly the same Every day is exactly the same There is no love here And there is no pain Every day is exactly the same
I can feel their eyes are watching In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here Sometimes Yeah I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started, oh But I can tell you Exactly how it will end
Every day is exactly the same Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here And there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I'm writing on a little piece of paper I'm hoping some day you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something They won't look behind
I am still inside her A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know I don't know What else I can do
Every day is exactly the same Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here And there is no pain".. NIN


"I recall the scent of you when everything was fine
I remember all the words stuck inside my mind
Cause all the promises were nothing else but lies
I don't have to look at you to see it in your eyes
I see right through you Everything's broken
I see right through you Everything's gone
Everytime I close my eyes I picture you inside
Though I know I've lost it all, forever you'll be mine
But all the fears inside me left me with your lies
I just have to look at you to see it in your eyes
I see right through you Everything's broken
I see right through you Everything's gone
Now I'm leaving this behind I'll erase you from my mind
You were never meant to be mine".. Drain STH



"Don't think we ever really got it right Both you and I have always kept it bottled up inside
Can you show me what it feels like to give yourself away
Why can't I hold onto you
There is no one around who picks me up when I'm down like you do
and when you can't hear a sound will the silence drown you too
Who's going home with you tonight was it real or am I part of your collection have you crossed the line
Who's going home with you tonight Oh I feel like you're an open invitation Is this how we say goodbye
Keeping secrets somewhere down below I wish you had the heart to tell me that you sold your soul
So many things you couldn't let me know You had to run away
It's getting harder to sit here alone I've been waiting and you still ain't home
I have never ever felt so low I've been thinking where did you go
Who's going home with you tonight can you tell me what it wrong and what is right
Who's going home with you tonight".. Trapt


"I walk alone, I am alone, I think alone, I'll die alone.
Don't think I can make it on my own
I think I need someone to save me
Such is life, so sad but true
Kill everything that's close to you
Try to decide what not to do
You know you can not control me
I don't see the point in going any further than we've gone already
Can't keep my hands steady
Sadness everyday for me
You can't take that away from me
All these fuckin' thoughts inside my head Are almost more than I can take
You push and pull on me You're gonna keep pushin' till I break".. Staind

"You and me
Meant to be
Immutable
Impossible
It's destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalculable
Insufferable
But for the last time
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful you
Don't understand
Don't feel me now
I will breathe
For the both of us
Travel the world
Traverse the skies
Your home is here
Within my heart
And for the first time
I feel as though I am reborn
In my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love
And for the first time I'm telling you how much
I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever now
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn't be the one you love".. Smashing Pumpkins

So.. I don't want to play this game anymore...

Happy New Year.

Late